Cutting

Over the years I've learned a lot. Some things were always more important than others, but recently... I've been thinking about something haunting that I learned.

Let's start with this song:

The Way She Feels - Between The Trees

I've been thinking about this song day and night since about two weeks ago. I've tried really hard not to let it bother me, but it sits in the back of my mind just waiting to pop back up.

I feel that I should tell someone about what's going on, but I know I can't. I know I should whisper to the person sitting next to me in class that I know who's cutting. That I know who's still bleeding. That I know who reaches for that blade when they get home. But I know I can't.

I know they can't stop. No matter how much they want to, they can't stop. Things are going wrong all the time, and suddenly its all their fault. The beating. The screaming. The fighting. They blame themselves for everything and the only way they now how to deal with it is through a knife.

I saw blood the other day. Blood that was not my own, and I flinched. I visibly cringed away from that person. I think I may have hurt their feelings... And every time I closed my eyes, even after they moved away, I could still see it in my mind. I could see the harsh red lines; blood still seeping slowly through the slits. I could see the pale flesh scarred with old cuts from their wrist to their elbow. I could see it all again and again. I couldn't sleep well that night. I was afraid to close my eyes.

Every time I see that white hospital band... I want to cry. I know what they've done, but I don't know how I could've prevented it. Should I have been there? Would that have stopped them? Should I have told someone? Would they have listened?

Each new scabbed line on their wrists makes me shudder at the thought of how it got there. Each time I see them I know. I know what they do when they get home, when the screaming begins, when the hands fly. I know what happens when they lock themselves in and pick up the blade. I know why it it happens every time. I just can't stop it. And its not easy for them either...